I always love reading things about other women’s pregnancy and birth stories…mostly because I have always been afraid of this season…and like, I appreciate knowing that totally normal women I know are doing it because it made me feel like maybe then by the grace of God I could do this crazy life changing thing too and come out of the experience an even better version of myself! So here ya go…part 2 of the journey…

Time has never flown by faster in my life!!! It’s crazy that our 12 week ultrasound appointment was already almost 5 weeks ago. This weekend I’ll be 17 weeks and I can’t believe that in a few weeks we’ll know if this little nugget is a boy or a girl! 

Before we get to the next appointment though, I wanted to take some time to share about the last one! I want to praise the Lord for what He’s already done and have this as a way to remember, but also to encourage others! I was so nervous leading up to our 12 week ultrasound because it was our first one and we hadn’t yet heard the heartbeat…Most of my friends had ultrasounds much earlier between 6 and 9 weeks so I wasn’t prepared to have to wait for what felt like such a long time! (of course a couple of weeks isn’t really that long but pregnant Anna is kind of melodramatic…you should see how I react when Ryan cooks food that smells bad to my pregnant nostrils).

I know that every day with this baby is such a gift and I have had friends who’ve lost babies in the first trimester and have seen the heartbreak…so I spent a lot of time praying and asking the Lord to prepare me for this appointment. I wanted to be expectant of a joyful appointment but aware that God is STILL good even when we face hardship. I also know that this is a thing that comes along with motherhood…it will be tempting to worry about this kid for the rest of my life! 

It turns out that I can look back now and see that the appointment was scheduled in his perfect timing to teach me more about how God can redeem even the darkest days of our lives. 

Our first ultrasound was scheduled for the day after my dad’s death day…a week that used to be a really sad one for my family and I every year as we grieved losing him. 

I prayed Psalm 40:3 over and over on the way to doctor that day…a verse that became so precious to me after I felt like God freed me from my struggle with anxiety years after my dad died…a reminder that I don’t have to live in worry or fear because lasting joy comes from the Lord and that I can always look back and be reminded and amazed by what He has carried me through. 

“He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what He has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord.” 

I met Ryan outside the doctor and after a quick prayer together we headed in for the appointment! You know how doctors offices are…it’s always hurry up and wait…we waited for what felt like forever (again with the drama;)) and then they called my name and we headed back for the fastest appointment ever! 

I barely had time to catch my breath when the nice ultrasound tech lady showed me where to sit and squirted the goop all over my belly (it was FREEZING goop…someone should invent a warmer for that stuff)…and then plopped the little wand down and BAM there was the baby on the screen! Somehow we thought this would be like searching around your sock drawer when you can’t find a match…but right away there was our baby on the screen and my heart exploded into a million emotions. 

At twelve weeks we could see the little hands and the little face and it was love at first sight.

Then the tech said “and there’s the heartbeat!” And the happy tears started flowing. 

Overcome with gratitude and in total awe, I think we could have stared at that screen all day watching our little baby wiggle and flail his or her arms. 

What a miracle. I’ve never been more in awe of God and how he cares about even the tiny details of our lives. 

The appointment lasted less than 10 minutes but it changed my life and my heart forever. And as I thought back on the appointment and the day, another verse popped into my mind:

Psalm 30:5 “…Sorrow may last through the night, but joy comes in the morning”. 

I thought back on how 11 years ago the day before had been the worst day of my life when we learned that my dad had passed away. A day that for me symbolized years of sorrow and learning how to grieve and heal…and many nights filled with tears. 

But joy comes in the morning.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that this appointment was scheduled for the day after that one…an appointment where we got to rejoice over a new life! I think that God had redeemed this day and this week in my families history all along…last year on the day after my dad’s death day, my sister got married and we celebrated her new life with her husband. And this year we got to celebrate this brand new life! 

Praise the Lord that sorrow doesn’t last forever, and that JOY comes in the morning! Thank you Jesus for how’ve you’ve already redeemed the darkest parts of our lives. What a miracle.  

Look at those little hands in the bottom picture! And the fists up in the 3d ultrasound…looks like we’ve got a little fighter on our hands!

To close out this post, here’s our first family self portrait with Baby Akins right after our appointment!! Ryan had to go back to work afterwards, but I think we just sat in the car and stared at the photo in awe for a solid 15 minutes before praying and recapping our appointment together…these are the moments I never want to forget!! So grateful for this little life! 

Thanks for reading friend! Just a few more weeks till we know if this baby is a boy or a girl!